Morning Mumblings, Vol. 16

Watching old episodes of Louie gives me such hope in not being the only person to have some of the most horrible fucking ideas to spawn out of my mind during the day. Like yesterday, I came across a paper bag full of shit on the side of the road. Big, brown, and full of poop. The twist? Too big for dog shit or any other animal. A grown human adult took a shit in this paper bag on the side of the road and flung it towards the outside door of this lawyer’s office with this ridiculous ‘USA Fuck Yeah’ mural on the side of the building with the ruins of the World Trade Center laid as a backdrop for an American Eagle to fly over with a American flag bursting out its ass. Really unique. Real patriotic. Totally in sync with the strip mall vibe of the other stores in the area. Now, being me, I completely went to the notion that this might be a terrorist plot by someone who could only go with the equivalent of low maintenance explosives on the fly —- human shit. Then I got a glance at one of the lawyer’s face who owns the company and he gives off huge DOUCHEBAG face. I let my conspiracy 9/11 theories go away and just come off thinking that this shit was meant for that face and that fancy suit. All of that came about while I was walking to the convenience store to buy some Starburst and fuck with the two Pakistani guys that own the store who always like to hassle their customers in jest. You know, like most Americans.

Louie comes back May 5th. Can’t wait.

Bridesmaids: The Seduction of Officer Rhodes - Imgur

I do totally bottomless move for no one all the time.

Happy (Sexy) Easter

Morning Mumblings, Vol. 15

Kiwi in the non candy based Starburst form is such a weird experience that I don’t know if I could ever go back to regular fruit.

Googling ‘Jesus p90x’ in honor of Easter weekend brought me Ripped Like Jesus.

Anxiety is a waste of time unless you’re balding, survived a train crash, survived a shooting, and met your evil nemesis that looks like a terribly wigged-out Samuel L. Jackson. The more worrisome issue should be whether you live your life in an M. Night Shyamalan universe.

I lost my one pen that had a light on the top that I mainly used to get from one end of my apartment to the other while completely drunk. It was my one true love and will be sorely missed till I buy another one on Amazon.

Teaching someone romance seems like a futile effort to asexuals.

My name is Russell Miller.

I'm a nobody from somewhere. I curate the internet for you in pictures and words. These are my thoughts.

I'm mostly here for the farts.

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